Stupid Questions

There are supposedly no stupid questions. I beg to differ. The Monk (a.k.a Michael) and I are constantly besieged with questons like the ones below. I'm not making these up. These are actual questions, asked by actual Barber children. Be warned, the answers are pretty idiotic and were given by actual Barber parents.

1. Can I have a snack?
No, the eggs/bacon/toast/banana/ham sandwich/carrots/lasagna/salad/bread/apple you already had today is enough. Besides, lunch is in an hour. Look it up on this food pyramid.

2. Why do I like strawberries?
It's genetic. Look it up in this Time special on the brain.

3. Why do I have to do chores?
Dusting is your calling. Look it up in the Bible.

4. Why does he have to keep looking at me and breathing?
It's sibling rivilary. Look it up at DrPhil.com.

5. I forget, do we live in a one story or two story house?
Are you kidding? Look it up in Architectural Digest.

6. Can I have a popsicle?
No, we are dead. Look it up in the obituaries.

Truly, however, the really stupid questions seem to come out of my mouth.
1. Do you understand me?
Of course they understand, they speak English. Mostly.

2. Do you hear me?
Seriously? The neighbors can hear me.. through walls... with the windows closed.... with the radio playing on 10.... while wearing earmuffs.

3. Why do I have to tell you more than once?
Because the first three thousand eight hundred and forty five times did not sink in yet.

4. Who did this?
Oh yeah, they are lining up to admit to this one.

But most importantly,
5. Why did we sign up to be parents?
The first time, I can honestly say it was because we didn't know what we were signing up for. After that, I guess I can just be thankful that God gave us amnesia about the bad days. Besides, they are all sleeping as I write this and it's kind of nice to just go around and look at their sleeping faces. I can cover their feet back up ('cause everyone knows the monsters only come out for feet left out of the covers) and know that tomorrow will be a better day. Won't it? Or is that the stupidest question of all?