The Mommy Handicap

I am given to understand that in golf, there is a system of handicapping that somewhat levels the playing field between golfers of different ability levels. Basically, the higher the handicap, the worse the player.

So it occurs to me, perhaps there should be some kind of handicapping system for new Mommies of a somewhat advanced maternal age. For my first baby, I was 25 years old and had no idea the impact time and gravity would be having on my body in later years. Now 45, being a new mommy has surprises.

Let's see if we can come up with a Mommy Handicap to level the playing field for new mommies of differing ages. That way we can compare notes from a more realistic perspective.

Let's say that the 25-year-old-mommy can be awakened at 2:13am by a crying baby, leap out of bed and prepare a bottle in 3 minutes flat. Zero handicap. The 45-year-old-mommy may already be awake because her falling arches are throbbing when the baby awakens. Mommy log rolls out of bed, hobbles to the kitchen, and gets that same bottle prepared in around six minutes. Three handicap.

Next, let's look at the stuff. As small as they are, babies take a lot of stuff. One little infant actually has a footprint in the car equivalent to 3 passengers. The 25-year-old-mommy plonks her baby into the car seat (adding 20 pounds) and lifts that seat with one arm, grabbing diaper bag, blanket, and purse with the other arm. All of these items are hefted to the car and placed with grace and agility into their appropriate position. Stroller, with the trick latch is collapsed, added to the trunk and the trip commences without a hitch.

Oh,so different for 45-year-old-mommy. She gets the baby into the car seat and then carefully organizes the diaper bag, blanket and purse into one reasonably weighted bag. Older children are pressed into service carrying essentials and loading them into car while Mommy takes her time on stairs to prevent any spills. Trick stroller? When I finally understand that engineering brain teaser it will likely be too late. Baby will already know all my curse words. Two handicap.

Anyway, what I guess I am saying is that the physical demands of being a new mommy sure are harder than I remembered. But the rewards are just as fantastic!