Partying with the Babies

As told to me by my four month old daughter:

Last night, I went out partying with my friends. It was awesome.

First off, most people might think that I am a little bit young to be out partying at 2:00am, but realistically, of the five of us friends, only one of us is used to being asleep at that hour. The one guy who sleeps through the night is in like the 96th percentile and is already eating an entire jar of squash before his bath at night. I mean seriously, squash? Dude, you are ruining it for the rest of us. We want fruit! If your Mommy tells my Mommy, you are in serious trouble.

But, back to the story of my wild night on the town.

Things started out pretty tame. We were drinking the usual, Enfamil with nursery water chasers. One girl showed off her first tooth and the conversation was centered around the controversy of heating diaper wipes. Run of the mill baby party, right?

Then without knowing what happened, suddenly we were doing shots of breast milk and crawling on the tables. We were rocking out to Rock-a-Bye-Baby and the swings were going full blast. Needless to say, we were pretty hammered. The manager came over with a round of complimentary rice cereal and things started to wind down.

Being responsible infants, nobody drove milked and we were all securely buckled into our backward facing seats when we left the bar. I was home by 3:00am and nestled safely in my crib with my lovey-cow tucked into my armpit.

You know the worst part, though? The morning after diaper.